A 21st Century Modest Proposal

People who know my past sympathy with social safety nets may be surprised by my reversal, but times have changed, and I'm changing with them.

Some members of congress are trying to reduce or eliminate many Social Security and Medicare benefits, along with programs for the poor, in order to save money. It took me a while to see the wisdom of this idea, the big picture idea.

The bottom line is the economic bottom line, and let's face it, old people are not the best demographic group. Few businesses court them, as they generally either have little money to spend or have pretty much accumulated everything they really need. Add to this, unlike the young, old people don't often feel the urge to keep up with trends. The result is a group of people, retired and not producing for our businesses and also not spending. In short, drags on the economy.

So, logically, the sooner we're rid of these folks the better. By cutting off Social Security and Medicare, these old folks will either starve to death or contract some disease that they can't afford to have treated. The result is way less burdensome elderly. Naturally, none of this applies to the wealthy elderly, who can afford food and medical care and still spend money.

The same kind of argument can be made for the poor. These people either don't have jobs or our marginally employed at best. They produce little but demand much, such as food, shelter, warm clothing. With little or no money, they don't support our business community. You seldom see the poor in our malls doing their patriotic fiscal duty. If you cut their programs, most will die of exposure on the first cold winter night, thus aiding the economy. After all, as our puritan founders realized, being poor is a moral flaw. It is indicative of sloth, lack of vision, low self respect and spiritual bankruptcy. This country would be better off without them.

The wealthy, the business owners, the investors are the morally upright people, and they need our support. Their success in life proves their moral worth. Thus when they make more money, the whole fabric of our society becomes richer and in many ways more noble.

With the money we save by taking away free money from slackers, we can fund things that have social value: For example, the military. Any undergraduate sociology student knows that it's necessary to always have a war running in some part of the world. This keeps the undereducated young men employed and gives them a socially acceptable outlet for their youthful aggressive impulses.

Also, military spending supports the patriotic business that make the planes, bombs and guns we use in our just wars and also sell to friendly countries, run by benign dictators who watch our back in remote parts of the globe. And, naturally, the billions in foreign aid we send to these countries are ultimately an investment in our economy and our future.

So, it's time to dismantle these feel good but useless programs and put our money where it will do the most good.