After the announcement that the US would stay in Afghanistan until 2014, the Afghans protested with a collective, "Why me?" Much of the same sentiment was heard in Iraq. As a result, the United States is planning to change its war strategy.
Starting next year, we will go on a rotating war plan. The way this works is that we acknowledge that invading, bombing and killing one group of people for over a decade could be construed as cruel, and we're not a cruel nation. Instead, we will go on a rotating war deployment.
This is how it will work. Every two years we will pull out of wherever we are waging war and move to another third world or emerging nation. To make this fair, we'll use a lottery system, and the countries we will invade will be chosen at random.
An unnamed spokesman for the government of Uruguay applauded this move, saying that his country had less than a one in thirty chance of being attacked in the next decade.
Our military personnel also received the news optimistically. Sgt. Ben Dover said he was sick of fighting in deserts and barren mountains and was looking forward to some warfare in a tropical wetland or a grassy valley.
Pentagon spokesman Captain Jonathon Ahab said that the new policy will not dilute our commitment to furthering our goals. "We will pursue the illusive vision of American style democracy across the seven seas."
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